What do you call a man with a shovel on his head...?

Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head...?

Douglas

Oh no, checkit my avatar - it's on the star and it looks all bonky!!! I'LL FIX THIS!!!

looks ok to me.

sorry, can't think of any jokes at the mo.

what do you do when you see a a spaceman

park it in!


lol

What did one cat do to the other cat when it collapsed?

'gave it mouse-to-mouse resuscitation!


What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?
Russell!



Sock Eye Salmon
These are the jokes, folks!

Did you hear about the one-legged Elvis impersonator?
He sang Blue Suede Shoe!



Groan!

H'm - did you hear about the shipwrecked sailor who grabbed a bar of soap to wash himself ashore?

~ Hiedra Venonata

Hehehehehe

What do you call a crate of ducks?

Of course... A box of quackers!

H'm - how many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb...?

54,093 - one to hold to the lightbulb and 54,092 to turn the world around.

why cant you get parasetamel in the the jungle

because the (parrots eat em all) sounds like parasetamel lol



2 men walk into a bar wouldnt you of thought one of them had seen it.



knock knock

boo

boo who

theres no need to cry its only a joke.

what happend when the frog broke down
it got toad away.

ha ha!

Why did Tarzan close down the jungle casino?
Because there are too many cheetahs (cheaters - geddit?)

A ghost walks into a pub and asks for a pint of beer
The barman tells him: "Sorry, mate! We don't serve spirits here!"

What do you call a monk that cooks?
A friar!

What do you call a monk that steals all the food?
Friar Tuck!

Where does Dracula put his money?
In a blood bank!

Did you hear the one about the hyena that fell into a pan of boiling water and made himself into a laughing stock?

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball!
Go to the end of the cue (queue)!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dog!
Why don't you rest on the couch?
I'm not allowed on the couch!
How long have you felt like this?
Since I was a puppy!

Sock Eye Salmon
Queen of the fishy jokes!

What's the pirate movie rated? - Arrr!

What kind o' socks does a pirate wear? - Arrrrgyle!

What's the problem with the way a pirate speaks? - Arrrrticulation!

What's a pirate's favourite letter? - Arrrr!

why do we say amen and not our women?
because we only sing hymns and not hers!

lol..thats a good one.

I know!

ooh

if a redhouse is made of red bricks,a blue house is made of blue bricks,then whats a greenhouse made out of?

glass!

i know that one already. i know some other like tha. i went on this website with jokes on it

I know the Amen one... I sort of made it up! I think I heard the 'Amen' one, then made up 'Hymns.'
Ahem

You didn't make it up,my dad did.

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs


still no I dear

What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

Hot Cross Bunnies!

What do you say to someone that is stupid but you don't want to say that they're stupid?


A black and white mind working with a color-coded problem.

What is a cheerleader's favorite drink?

Root Beer!



What is a cheerleader's favorite food?

Cheerios!

A man walks into a bar and there is a bowl of peanuts resting on a shelf at the counter. He picks one up and eats it, and the peanuts say

'Wow, what a great choice sir, you couldn't have picked better!'

The man frowns and gingerly walks over to the vending machine. He picks a drink and slots his money into the vendor. He collects his can from the bottom and the vending machine shouts

'What's wrong with you, you idiot! Fancy picking out the worst drink availiable, you must have a brain the size of a walnut!!'

The man backs away, taken aback at the hurl of abuse just thrown at him. He goes over to the barman and says

'Whats going on?!'

The barmen rests against the counter and says

'The peanuts are complementary and the machine is out of order'

what is the definition of optimism?

an investment banker ironing 5 shirts on a sunday evening!

DS99, I made it up, darnit...

great minds think alike?

Sure do...

What do & drive around town when the van's in for service?

A Volkswigan

I can't think of one! I need to think!

MY DAD MADE IT UP!

If you both 'thought' it up then obviously its been made by someone else, in a jokebook,webpage or something. You wouldn't have thought up exactly the same joke. Stop argueing about it

I don't geddit...

O I will stop arguing,thank you for stopping me Nofby

Well darnit I'm not stopping... it's not the first time I've made up the same joke as someone else, you know!

Stop arguing!

Oh fine.

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

okaii... erm heres one.
whats the difference between a sea gull and banker???


A sea gull can lay down a deposit on a new Ferrari (sp)


( it's all to do with the credit crunch atm)

Lol! Love those two